my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
