the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
