i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
