Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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