My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
