i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
