Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Come share oat with me in your robe
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
