dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
