I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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