i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
