I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
