Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
