if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize