We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
