I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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