I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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