I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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