the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
