; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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