how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
