No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
