If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
