I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you would pick up someone in the library
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
