He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
