Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
