Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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