I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
