Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
