wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
