Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
