Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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