so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
