I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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