I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
