I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Come see our sink grown plant.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That accounts for only three of the penises
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
