so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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