Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
and you fell through a lawn chair
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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