Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
