He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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