I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He passed out mid-signature
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize