It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
