He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
