I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
These tits shall not be calmed
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
