I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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