Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
