So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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