Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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