guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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