My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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