I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize