I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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