i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
