cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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