It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
