my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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