Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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