now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
