you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
