ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
How does one acquire holy water?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
