he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
