it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
