Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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