remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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