What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
