so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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