Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
