did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Can you bring me the toilet please
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
