I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize