Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
