omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
