i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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