Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
