The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
