His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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