Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
