after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
