the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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