im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
