I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize